So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
