Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I need to sanitize my soul.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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