the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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