Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
