dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
