Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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