Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
