i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
