I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
