I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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