he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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