I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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