I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
that's an acceptable place to lick
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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