So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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