Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
