I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
MIDGETS
????
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
