just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
