Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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