If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
