Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
