Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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