Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
