She is in my trunk
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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