Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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