community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
