my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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