he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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