His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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