i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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