so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
