I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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