So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I puked a lego.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
