he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I smell like Dick and happiness
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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