I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
