My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Someone shit on the floor
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
