I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
