Kiss
Puke
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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