Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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