So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
