It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
