and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
