Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
