The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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