I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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