Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
