$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
