I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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