hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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