sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
