Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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