Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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