Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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