Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
